


Breathe

by Shantae



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, its sad sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 19:48:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7727536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shantae/pseuds/Shantae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were times that Lance found it hard to breathe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> hey for once it's not 3 am. its 4 am.
> 
> This is sad and gross but i was thinking... how do the paladins stay so calm knowing they risk their life out there every day and might not see their family ever again? and then i realised they probably do not stay calm at all

_Breathe in_

As soon as they had landed, as soon as they had said their goodnights and sleep wells and the door of Keith’s room had closed behind them he had jumped him, hugged him, dug his fingers in the fabric of his jacket and hid his face in the crook of his neck. He felt Keith’s arms wrap around him, awkwardly at first, but that was okay because this was Keith and he acted like Keith and he smelled like Keith and he was alive. Like Keith.

_Breathe out_

“I thought you were going to die.” His voice was cracking and his breath was quivering and he couldn't stop his tears from flowing but he didn't care anymore. Arms were wrapped tighter around him and he could feel Keith shaking - or was he shaking? He felt a head on his shoulder and a warm breath in his ear whispering ‘I'm sorry’ over and over and over again until it was all he could hear in his mind.

_Breathe in_

This was stupid. This was stupid and he knew it. They were in space, god knows how far away from earth, fighting the mightiest man of the entire galaxy. It was a miracle they hadn't died yet. It was stupid being worried over his own life in this situation, but being worried about the life of someone else was even more stupid. It was only befitting of a caring idiot like him. He wanted to laugh. So he did.

_Breathe out_

“Lance. Lance, please.” The arms were gone and his laughter stuck in his throat and for a moment he was afraid because he didn't want him to go away, he didn't want to lose him, he had lost so much already and he didn't think he'd be able to take it if he lost Keith too. But then a pair of hands lifted up his head, cupped his face, and for the first time since they had entered Keith’s room they were looking at each other. It was miserable, both of them with tear stained faces - when had Keith started crying? - clinging to each other like they could die any moment, which wasn't far from the truth. Keith was looking at him with concerned red eyes, he hadn't stopped crying yet, Lance noticed. Neither had he.

“Hey. Hey,” he said, breath shaking, “it's going to be okay.”

It was the biggest lie Lance had ever heard, worse than when his mom had lied and told him his goldfish ran away when it had actually died, and then he realised that Keith was lying over something worse than the death of his goldfish, and he would've cried if he wasn't already. But he wanted to believe, he wanted to believe that it really would be okay and that they truly were heroes and that they'd save the universe and the people they loved and each other. But then he looked at the situation he was in right now, shaking, crying, clinging to his boyfriend for his dear life and he knew that at least _he_ wasn't a hero.

_Take the light, shadows here_

“Yeah,” he managed to bring out, throat too stuck to say anything else. He felt bad about lying, but it was Keith who started it, and neither of them believed it anyway. He saw relief wash over Keith’s face, perhaps he thought his false words had worked, and he felt the hands go from his cheeks to his arms, undoing the hug.

“Let's sleep,” he said, and it wasn't as much of a question as an order and Lance really didn't want to sleep, afraid of what would happen when he wasn't there to stop it, but he nodded because he was a paladin and paladins were to follow up orders. Keith let go of his arms and went to turn off the lights, but Lance quickly grabbed his arm, not wanting to be alone in the dark, not after today, not tonight. Keith looked at him, sadness in his eyes. Sad because this was partially his fault, sad because they were here, sad because this was not how he wanted to see Lance. He wanted him to smile, to laugh, to act carefree, but he knew that was all just an act to hide that he was actually afraid, terrified, and Keith was sad because he knew that as long as they were here and as long as the lives of many people Lance cared about were in danger he'd continue to be like that. He wanted to help him, to make him happy, but right now there was nothing he could do, so he turned off the lights.

_From this room_

Together they shuffled in the dark towards the bed and laid down, still holding hands. Keith never took off his clothes when sleeping, and Lance was too emotionally drained to, so they let it. Keith’s other hand moved up and Lance felt fingers running through his hair, calming him down, but that alarmed him because he didn't want to be calm because being calm meant being off guard and being off guard meant death. He trained his eyes on Keith’s face, who was watching his own hand go through Lance’s hair.

“I don't want you to die,” he blurted out, and he wishes he could take it back because that must've been the stupidest thing he ever said. He felt Keith’s hand halting, resting on the side of his head, and heard him say “I don't want you to die either” and they were both stupid.

It was ridiculous, them being paladins was ridiculous, voltron was ridiculous. They were weak and inexperienced and death was almost inevitable. One day one of them would die out there, and Lance couldn't imagine losing any of them so he silently hoped it would be him. But Keith, socially awkward Keith who was actually really good at picking up emotions, or at least Lance’s emotions, kept talking to him. ‘It's going to be alright’, ‘Neither of us will die, not today or tomorrow’, ‘You are going to be okay, Lance’.

His mind kept telling him no, no that's wrong, they're all lies, he almost died today and now he's telling you lies, but he wanted to believe everything Keith said because he wanted it all to be real. And while the horrible feeling was still there in the back of his head he couldn't help but feel his eyes getting tired, especially with Keith’s voice soothing him and his hand running through his hair. As he drifted into a dreamless sleep his last thoughts were about how he hoped it would be okay, how he hoped so much because he wanted it all to be okay so badly, and maybe, just maybe, it truly would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> the italics are lyrics of the song 'breathe in' by son lux! Check em out their songs are really cool


End file.
